Oct. 3rd, 2011

bekkypk: (Default)
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Two people.

Firstly, probably myself. I don't know if it's the influences of those who bullied me as a child, still exerting themselves because I feel I lack the confidence to battle them away, or just the deranged mind of somebody who's never been quite right.

Either way, when I keep trying to fight it and live this awesome life I've been given, I keep failing. Maybe not immediately, but for every positive in my life there's a little voice in my head saying 'you are SO not worth that, fatass, go back to the fridge.'

It dredges up the past and vindicates those who have hurt me. And in turn encourages the sort of self-destructive behavior I've been fighting since I was a kid. These learned behaviors, they're hard to break.

Secondly, the OTHER bully in my life is the goldfish, The mighty Bobness... who gives me the cold shoulder should I do anything out of place to his opinion, who reads what I'm writing over my shoulder, (is doing so now), who harrasses me in the morning, no I may not go and eat my breakfast, its Bob fussing time!... and splashes to make his point known.

A foot long goldfish with a chip on his shoulder is a very manipulative creature.

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bekkypk

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